Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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