Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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