Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I think people are normalizing furries
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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