my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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