I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
