I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize