when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
