Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Randomize
