Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
