When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
