I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
