Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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