i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
