He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
