dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
