so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
