I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
