i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
