omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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