bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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