What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
