i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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