As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize