we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
