i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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