before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
