There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
she woke up with a sticky ear
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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