are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I need to sanitize my soul.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize