My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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