I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize