Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I would ride that face into the sunset
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
