guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
God I need to hump something, right now.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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