Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
