that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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