I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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