Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
