You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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