I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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