Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Girls should come with a carfax report
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
