12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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