u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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