I saw his package. It spoke to me.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
