ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize