Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Randomize
