My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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