I didn't shave. On purpose
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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