So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
