let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
