I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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