The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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