i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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