You're so nebulous sometimes
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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