omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Randomize
