Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
