its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
