Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
