I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
