I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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