She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
