yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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