drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
