youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
