I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
