I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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