Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
