Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Randomize
