OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize