we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
