I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
