if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
