I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
being pregnant is like rehab
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
