when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
